Today is a rainy day and feelings seem to match. Seem to match because I can feel the growth these feelings nourish, and still the greyness is tiring. A ray of sunshine in the day is the new daycare place we found that focuses exclusively on licensed daycare for the elderly. It isn't connected to an assisted living facility or a larger agendas. Everyday at this place is fully and only about the people who are there that day and the connection to their families and to the staff. I am hopeful. And moved.
"The Sound of Music" is playing in the living room and the von Trapp family is singing just before their escape. The sweetness of the music juxtaposed against the harsh circumstances the family faced are vivid in my real world today. And I am blessed moreover because the movie is a much needed diversion for the folks while Star and I make progress on household decisions and tasks. Like this blog, even.
Tonight we will have Easter dinner as leftovers and the promise of cheesy potatoes, ham and dinner rolls is like a reward for a day filled with grocery shopping, reviewing daycare facilities and laundry. Yummo! Perhaps I'll even paint my toenails a spring-like color.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Days Go Like This (all about Adult Daycare)
The two facilities we have looked at are lovely. One is intimate and cozy, with a staff of caregivers that speak like families do. The other, the one we currently attend, is stiffer - almost formal - somehow, with the staff acting as nurses and teachers. But what makes the difference in choosing the right one for us?
Our concerns about our current place are mainly that Mom gets bored so very easily, as is to be expected, and that the effort to find stimulation for her is minimal. Rote. That all elderly Alzheimer's persons will want the same activities. And that if they don't want to participate in the scheduled one, that television or resting is the other option. I am not particularly comfortable with that viewpoint, however understandable it is given the ratio of caregivers (staff) to elderly. Still, I guess I expect that a list of preferred activities be kept for each one and an effort be made to get them involved in those activities even if a planned activities is being held... within reason, of course. And at our current place, I wonder about the personal touch in terms of personalizing the non scheduled activities.
Then the new option for a daycare place presents other concerns. While we are encouraged by the almost swaddling feel of the facility, which is better for achieving a sense of security and belonging because it is so homelike, it also magnifies the varying degrees of aging that the other attendees and residents have. That could present a bigger problem than the boredom we perceive at our current place. Mom certainly doesn't see herself as being ill or incapable and to be faced with so many people in a small space that cannot function to her level, physically, may trigger anger and depression, too. But the caregivers at this new place seem to be more inclined to personalize the attention Mom would receive. Also, a plus here is that the outdoors is much more appealing for Mom's preferences. Secured walking paths, reachable gardening opportunities, shaded and full sun spots to sit. The activities seem to be centered around activities rather than sedation. And the building security is tight both entering and exiting - more so than our current place (although they are quite diligent and appropriate).
I guess I really know what I think, but cannot get past the risk of change. Mom would prefer, I think, the new place, if she could make choices for herself. The only remaining concern is how to address the proximity issue of so many advanced elderly (to her viewpoint). And is that so big an issue as I am making it? After all, if I am choosing for her the best quality I can, using her viewpoint from pre-Alzheimer's days - to the best of my ability, since it is projection at best and guessing at worst - then the new place is clearly the better option.
Whew - I could go around this barn again. But why? Days go like this. The burden of choosing for another person is not to be done lightly. Add to it that Dad has Parkinson's and is in the very early stages of Parkinson's related dementia (more forgetfulness at this point and slower cognitive skills and, of course, slower ability to share what he thinks because speech is difficult), and the decision are exponentially bigger. And I am not the head of household. I am part of the live-in family. Mom and Dad, Star (their daughter), me (Star's lifelong friend and Mom's informal caregiver) and my husband (a rock for all of us!). Star is the head of household and these burdens, these tasks, these odd blessings even, fall upon her shoulders. And while we function as family and I share in the carrying of these burdens, the weight remains with Star.
Days go like this. Dad says that. He is right. However, we are lucky that we have days together to go like this. Today is a good day. We are planning for good things, dealing with bad things as they come and not expecting them to be bad (knowing bad days will happen, yes. assuming today is one, no.). May more days go like this.
Our concerns about our current place are mainly that Mom gets bored so very easily, as is to be expected, and that the effort to find stimulation for her is minimal. Rote. That all elderly Alzheimer's persons will want the same activities. And that if they don't want to participate in the scheduled one, that television or resting is the other option. I am not particularly comfortable with that viewpoint, however understandable it is given the ratio of caregivers (staff) to elderly. Still, I guess I expect that a list of preferred activities be kept for each one and an effort be made to get them involved in those activities even if a planned activities is being held... within reason, of course. And at our current place, I wonder about the personal touch in terms of personalizing the non scheduled activities.
Then the new option for a daycare place presents other concerns. While we are encouraged by the almost swaddling feel of the facility, which is better for achieving a sense of security and belonging because it is so homelike, it also magnifies the varying degrees of aging that the other attendees and residents have. That could present a bigger problem than the boredom we perceive at our current place. Mom certainly doesn't see herself as being ill or incapable and to be faced with so many people in a small space that cannot function to her level, physically, may trigger anger and depression, too. But the caregivers at this new place seem to be more inclined to personalize the attention Mom would receive. Also, a plus here is that the outdoors is much more appealing for Mom's preferences. Secured walking paths, reachable gardening opportunities, shaded and full sun spots to sit. The activities seem to be centered around activities rather than sedation. And the building security is tight both entering and exiting - more so than our current place (although they are quite diligent and appropriate).
I guess I really know what I think, but cannot get past the risk of change. Mom would prefer, I think, the new place, if she could make choices for herself. The only remaining concern is how to address the proximity issue of so many advanced elderly (to her viewpoint). And is that so big an issue as I am making it? After all, if I am choosing for her the best quality I can, using her viewpoint from pre-Alzheimer's days - to the best of my ability, since it is projection at best and guessing at worst - then the new place is clearly the better option.
Whew - I could go around this barn again. But why? Days go like this. The burden of choosing for another person is not to be done lightly. Add to it that Dad has Parkinson's and is in the very early stages of Parkinson's related dementia (more forgetfulness at this point and slower cognitive skills and, of course, slower ability to share what he thinks because speech is difficult), and the decision are exponentially bigger. And I am not the head of household. I am part of the live-in family. Mom and Dad, Star (their daughter), me (Star's lifelong friend and Mom's informal caregiver) and my husband (a rock for all of us!). Star is the head of household and these burdens, these tasks, these odd blessings even, fall upon her shoulders. And while we function as family and I share in the carrying of these burdens, the weight remains with Star.
Days go like this. Dad says that. He is right. However, we are lucky that we have days together to go like this. Today is a good day. We are planning for good things, dealing with bad things as they come and not expecting them to be bad (knowing bad days will happen, yes. assuming today is one, no.). May more days go like this.
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